Survival or Success?????

It is the start of 2011 and I need to write. I need a voice in my world. currently pregnant with my seventh boy and the world a bit more scary this year, I find myself overwhelmed more than I have ever been before. Not physically and not even emotionally. It is this overwhemling feeling like something must change. I have never been one for needing things like a bigger house or even a vacation for that matter. But I feel like I am failing myself and God by being so fearful to take risks. I am such a worrier even though the Bible tells me over and over that is the last thing I should be concerned with. There is already a plan for me and as long as I live right all will be ok. I do truly believe that but why still the fear that I will never be enough? I will never be kind enough, patient enough, nor content enough. I have this feeling that there is a place where we belong we are just not there yet. However I am the only one in this house who agrees. My children are doing fantastic for the most part. My 10 year old is becoming this young man who suprises me everyday. My sixteen year old is awake I feel like for the first time in a long time. But then I have these little boys who just seem lost right now. Is it my failure? Can I not be everything for everybody all the time? I just want to take them all away from this scary world and hold them until they grow up. If you read my earlier posts you know I will always questions if this is where we should be, but for now I am outvoted. So it is here we remain struggling in a town we cannot afford, working in a school system although great extremely difficult, and waking up everyday to survive. When does it no longer become survival but success? I thank God each and every day for all my blessing because they truly are more than I deserve. But today I will ask him to be able to be more. More for my children, my husband and more for me.